Last Thursday, 13th July I had the greatest honour of being a part of the Music and Mind podcast, Live at Festival Square as a part of MIF 23.
If you've followed my blog at all then you know I threw myself into MIF21 with everything I had, performing as a part of the dance piece Sea Change. Reform and MIF will always hold a special place in my heart for helping me through some very difficult struggles that I've had with my mental health since moving to Manchester at the end of 2019.
I love having any opportunity to talk about mental health issues and to hear other people's experiences.
On the Festival Square stage, I was joined by host Levi Love (who's been teaching me music production), Mancunian poet and activist Janine Reid and Amy, a DJ and lived experience peer support worker.
Amy's role as a peer worker is the first of it's kind and as she spoke about the importance of the role and her own experiences I had no doubt in my mind that she is going to smash it out of the park as a trailblazer. Her empathy, compassion and friendly nature definitely lend well to the role, especially when we have a health care system that seems to mainly revolve around medical means and not holistic approaches. I look forward to hearing how she does and the work that she is paving the way forward for. Personally, this sort of thing would have been amazing to have during Covid times as we were in a surreal global trauma and so many people were unable to get the care and understanding that they needed at the time due to the overwhelming shortage of resources available. But, I suppose we are all still paying for that now and will be for the next couple of decades at least.
Janine is a globetrotting activist with a vivaciously composed spirit who I think embodies the epitome of cool. She is unphased by the judgement of others and has captured a type of freedom that most people have probably died inside for. We could stand to learn so much from women like Janine. Sometimes I fear that in this day of tap-tap technology this upcoming generation won't know the joy of human connection in quite the same way as I did growing up.
I loved Janine's poems that she recited and Amy's song choices. I was also grateful to both women for sharing their own mental health struggles on stage with me, and for those of you who would love to be able to experience some of Janine's poetry for yourselves, make sure you check out her insta @jarpoetry_
I turned 32 a few weeks ago now (yes, I'm ancient now) and I've realized that I don't see me sharing my battles as a form of bravery anymore. I look at is as wisdom I wish someone had imparted to me, that anxiety and depression can strike you in the middle of a perfectly happy and content moment, that you might not be okay for years but masking that is more painful when you actually receive the help you didn't know you needed. Music and media have given us all a very warped one dimensional view into mental health and I hope I can change that a little bit.
It was also probably why I wasn't nervous when Levi world premiered the first full track that I've ever produced from start to finish called "Hands of time". It wasn't perfect, but, as I told the crowd beforehand, this is just nine months of weekly lessons with a background of zero experience beforehand and there are far worse songs being produced on the internet right now. It wasn't perfect but I am proud of it. It shows Levi's amazing teaching, my own creativity, adaptability and musicality.
When I've got two decades of producing experience under my belt and I've worked with artists from all over the world, I'll look back on Hands of Time and laugh and still think "Eh, not too bad for a rookie."
The thing I loved most about the day was being able to share it with Levi, Janine, Amy and my fiancé Lewis. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, maybe because it's Music and Mind, which is always a safe, comfortable space to be honest in, but also everyone on stage with me is the real deal. A group of kind, fun souls so I couldn't imagine a better place to launch my first song off into the world.
There were two people in the crowd who were vibing to it and later one of them ran into me on my way home and complimented me (which to be honest was very surreal). I am grateful that it did spark something for people, even if it's just a handful because at the end of the day I hope I'm able to create art that I can relate to, that my inner child can be proud of and say "I needed this, thank you, the world needs this, you've got this."
MAJOR THANK YOUS TO: Lewis, Levi, Janine, Amy, everyone at Festival Square, from the sound producers to the security guards, Gemma and everyone at Reform Radio, the audience at Festival Square and to my friends and family who sent me their love and support.
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