PART FOUR: There's Plenty Of Room To Breathe (23rd June 2020)
Now that some of the lockdown restrictions have been lessened I'm finding myself reflecting on some of the things I've learnt during lockdown.
My housemates have all been from different parts of the world (or from different parts of Manchester) and no matter what ethnicity or religion they are it turns out we all have one dream in common: The dream of having our very own place to call home, to make friends and connections and to put down roots in this city.
All of my housemates have been living "the homeless life" for longer than I have. Many have had to beg, borrow or steal to survive and sometimes I can see how exhausted they are from trying to catch a break, despite the fact that they are constantly trying to hide it. They are resilient people.
One of the things I still personally struggle with is turning my back on the homeless people that I see on the street because I don't have any change or I'm not sure if they really are homeless, it's made even harder for me by the fact that when I first arrived in Manchester I got lost and a homeless person helped me find my way (as did two other strangers). If it weren't for the council I'd be on the street too and I actually see no difference between me and them so I walk past and pretend to ignore them or I say sorry but in my mind I wish that something happens that enables them to get off the streets (if they are genuinely homeless that is). It makes my skin crawl to pretend they don't exist because I also wish I had the time, money and energy to help them all, but I'm realising that I'm currently not in the position to do it but it is a goal of mine to be able to give back in some way in the future.
Solving the problem of homelessness (which is a universal problem when you stop and think about it) takes a great deal of energy and intelligence so I have a great deal of respect for anyone who devotes their time to trying to solve it.
Since I'm navigating this city on my own I need to be cautious but I'm fully aware of how degrading and dehumanizing sleeping on the street can be. At the end of the day these are still people with feelings and histories. And homelessness has a cruel way of making people forget that the rough sleepers are someone's son. daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, family member or friend. The consequence of being aware is that it can make you very weary.
One of the many side effects of lockdown in a shared house has been that some of my housemates are either drinking more or smoking more and for me (who does neither but eats their feelings instead) I've certainly packed on a few pounds (and I'd assumed, since my spirit animal is a giant panda, that would keep me warm in the colder evenings but that's not the case at all). I've also seen my housemates forgive each other after a fight, had small victories and still have fun. A few have endured family tragedies as well during lockdown, so I've been hugging everyone a lot recently.
The month of June has had me wishing five different people happy birthday and in the last few weeks I've organised and hosted a birthday party (with unpredictable results), cooked a lot of food, and bingewatched a lot of films and box sets I've never seen before (I personally envy anyone who has the control to watch just ONE episode of anything), taken a lot of photographs of nature, and other things I love, been knee deep in art supplies, as well as one of my greatest joys, finding new music and artists to listen to.
I've learnt a lot from my housemates, since I am still practising how to be social, as well as how to walk away when I'm fed up with listening to the continual backstabbing and/or negativity (and that just makes me sad how no one can really just get along now so everyone keeps to their rooms).
This past weekend I went and took the bus to town with two housemates (facemasks and occasional drama included) and came home alone. I danced on Market Street and it was a great joy for me to see others dancing too. It was nice to see other people enjoying the weather and the reopening of Primark seems to have made a lot of people happy, whereas for me it was seeing families and children out together. I imagine keeping the younger ones and the teenagers out of school and away from their friends has been a battle in itself for their parents or carers (having to hide their own fears and anxieties on top of trying to explain the situation can't be easy) so there was definitely a relaxed air about town.
It was a surreal type of normal. We aren't out of it yet, but I feel like the worst of it is over only because every one of us has made sacrifices in the beginning (and many others are still doing so). A part of me felt as if this city's adjusted really well and that we are starting to see the new "normal" now that we are over the curve. I did wonder if it's too soon to be opening places but I realised that I don't think the economy can handle it anymore, nor can anyone struggling with mental health issues. I also don't want to keep being afraid of Covid-19 so I've made sure that I've pushed myself to be kinder to others (I'm still working on being kinder to myself), kept busy and gone on my own adventures almost as a rebellious middle finger to a virus that's claimed so many lives and brought so many people down. I've also never been more grateful for hand sanitizer and soap in my entire life.
Father's day was one of my housemates' birthdays and I was the only one who remembered and spent time with them, knowing that that day was harder for them then it was for me. That entire day I was thinking about all the people in lockdown who can't be with their fathers, myself included, or who's fathers (or grandfathers) are no longer with us, and although it hurt I think I'm one of the lucky ones in the fact that my dad taught me how to cook, how to be patience, how to see the humour in all things and that it's okay to not be okay because not everyone can be happy all the time, but that's a part of being human. He also continually nurtured my passion for art, music, architectural design and nature all of which I've happily discovered for myself within my city (I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who stopped to take a picture of a beautifully designed bus stop this weekend). My father is a big part of why I'm such a compassionate, empathetic person and why I'm such an optimistic realist.
So, in a moment in history when so many people are divided by opinions, or by distance one of the greatest lessons I've learnt so far from lockdown is that thanks to technology, it's brought people closer together. We've never checked on our friends, family or loved ones more than during this entire pandemic (and let's not forget those hilarious moments of facetiming that go wrong!), and it's a bit sad that it took a global pandemic for people to do so but I know in a few decades from now we'll all look back and be amazed that we made it, and all of that's due to the fact that we were and still are all in this together.
Comments
Post a Comment