Pictures and Poetry

A burst of vibrant colour from a thistle.

Roses are pink, violets are blue,

Nature is glorious, that much is true,

Trying to sleep when the world is awake,

Never quite sure how long it will take,

So you stretch, and walk and go and explore,

Because being curious is it's own form of reward,

Now it seems like you're wearing two masks,

They both fall away when you start to dance,

Chances are changes in the blink of an eye,

And before you know it you're starting to cry,

Maybe from joy, maybe from pain,

All you know is that you're not the same,

But remember this, if nothing else,

That your true worth is within yourself,

No one can break it, try as they might,

Despite their intentions you will stand and fight,

Even on your knees, alone in the dark,

With only the sound of your beating heart,

And you want to scream and you want to shout as the whole world tears you apart,

But you open your eyes and you walk out the door,

Not even sure why you bother anymore,

Until you remember in the back of your mind,

That sometimes the world is kind,

On the days when it's cloudy and you're filled with rage,

Nothing goes right, so you disengage,

Function on auto and pretend to care,

While feeling as though you aren't quite there,

Healing takes time, 

The sun does shine,

Just give it ten minutes and you'll be quite surprised.

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Vulnerability.

Naked honesty, take off your mask and speak even when you’re silent,

Even when you want to scream,

This is one of the facets of being human,

Vulnerability is the little sister of courage,

You try even though you’re afraid,

You push yourself even when you’re tired,

Because you’re craving connection,

Fighting back that part of you that expects rejection,

But you aren’t good enough; you’re so much more,

Your scars are a testament to all that you’ve survived, 

Your story is a part of you but it doesn’t define you,

Freedom is silence, hiding in your emotions.

Vulnerability.

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The Markets

I want you to know that you’re beautiful,

In case I never see you again,

I hope he made it through all this,

He looked so tired and so broken,

Even though he was smiling,

Leaning over the counter to talk to me,

It could have been only us,

Instead of the busy streets that were packed like sardines that cold December evening,

I tell him that I don’t know what he’s going through but I know he’s going to make it because he’s made it this far,

And then I see it as he lets out a painful sigh, as if he’s been holding it in all his life,

And this time I can see the spark in his eyes,

It’s tiny, but it’s there,

I tell him that I don’t know how but I know that it’ll be okay,

“Will it?”

My smile is filled with every happy memory I have,

Every moment of peace,

Every laugh that I’ve had in my life,

Even the laughter I shouldn’t let escape from my mouth but does,

“Yes,”

His look lasts a second and he nods slightly,

“Yeah, I guess it is gonna be alright,”

I’m aware I’m grinning like an idiot, but I can’t stop myself,

So I turn to keep walking.

“Thanks for that.” He says.

“Um, you don’t need to thank me, but you’re welcome.”

I grin and wave back and as I go I hear his co-worker say,

“What was that all about?”

“Leave it. You’ll never get it.”

I hope he made it through all this.

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The Last Time

I lay next to you for what I thought would be the last time,

And it seemed fitting that violent nightmares disturbed my slumber,

Ones that made me scream out no,

That ended with me feeling like I was being suffocated, that I no longer had a voice of my own,

And as I panicked in my dream I woke up.

And watched the sun light up the world outside your curtains,

I do not fear the end of us,

I will not miss who we were,

For what we had was perfect in the moment that it happened,

I stepped back and watched you crash,

Burn,

Struggle,

And ascend,

You are in a league all by yourself, darling,

One in which I cannot stand,

Neither behind, nor next,

But from a distance, as our two roads part ways.

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Window Dressing For The Imposter

I am struggling to like this body. 

I was created a lifetime ago and the wears, tears and creases are starting to show,

I don’t like standing here on display, but everyone has a part to play,

And this is mine,

Smile and wave, though I want to cry,

What fool decided to place me here on this dotted line?

Shaped like a box, a coffin would be better,

For the feelings buried under the changing weather,

There are whispers that things might change,

That I might be free,

To one day be the person I want to be,

Instead of a mannequin, alone, in a factory shop,

But I have lost faith in my journey for identity,

And an equal future is one I know I shall not live to see,

So I shall pretend, for the hope of people and petkind,

That I am strong, unbreakable, that the little things I don’t mind,

So give me an Oscar,

For this imposter can certainly shine,

Take it on the chin, code switch, 

And pretend those jokes don’t hurt, 

Or that my fears of violence are stopping my words,

So I’ll be a robot, an automaton in a mask,

Go through the motions as if it won’t last,

As if there’s a chance that tomorrow might bring

A world to me where I can fit in.