I really wanted to say something, I really did, but the words didn't exist in my head in the moment, so I just laughed along. My friend is watching a YouTube video of a white guy pretending to talk to an Indian telephone marketing operator, complete with fake Indian accent and tilak. As The fake Indian speeds up his accent to the customer a few words at the end are decipherable and the white guy replies "Sorry, please could you repeat that." Long story short the first time I saw the three minute and one second long video I just laughed along with my friend and a part of me wanted to ask them if they wanted me to translate for them another part of me was rolling my eyes inside my head. As someone who's part Indian, yes I find it really offensive when white people do an Indian accent (I don't care how good it it) and also as someone who can actually do an Indian accent (and then just shocked her friend with it) I feel like it made me realize how much of a party trick the Indian accent can be and it pissed me off.
It made me more uncomfortable than that time I was sitting alone at the front of the bus in the row that you save for people who need it and this middle aged white woman got on and looked me in the eye with this look like I was something she'd just stepped on in the street.
It was more uncomfortable than the time my friend starts going on about how they can't stand the way Pakistani people talk, when I'm also part Pakistani (I'm waiting to pull that little fun fact out of my hat when they really cross the line), and then proceeds to make fun of them.
I wish I could say that I said something, only I didn't, only because I had no idea what to say. I just listened which is probably a lot worse than going along or laughing at a joke. A part of me was mad at myself but an even bigger part was just tired of it all.
The strangest thing about all of these moments for me is that I feel like I'm observing something that's pulling my identity apart. People judge me on the surface. First, black, and because of my style some men assume I'm a gay male or whereas women see me as a short female and to be honest it's exhausting. I'm a part of all these beautiful communities (feminist, African, Indian, Pakistani, British....human) and at the same time I realize they all get picked apart or criticized and I'm always going to have to stand up and defend any one (or all) of them at some point in time, the same way anyone else who is different has to. It seems like an unwritten rule, a right of passage, like losing your teeth or learning to walk. You have an opinion, you don't fit in? Get ready for a lifetime of other people trying to either bring you down or try to get you to explain why your existence is important.
Even though October is Black History Month (in the U.S. BHM happens in February) I still get annoyed with it, because it feels like a novelty. We should take every month of the year to celebrate, dissect and discuss not only black history that has been hidden or destroyed but also just the histories of other racial minorities because the experiences are so similar.
It's nice to see all the programs around black history but it would be even more empowering for me if they were created and released throughout the entire year jut not during one month of the year.
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